If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
