Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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