I am in a vortex of obligation.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
