Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
