I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
