my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
