Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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