I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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