Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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