I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
