she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
