It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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