i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this hospital has no fireball
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
