i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
