Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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