The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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