i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
