Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
don't judge my taste in strippers
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
