Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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