Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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