I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
