he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
