Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
