I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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