I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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