My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize