my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and she was petting her beer can
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
