I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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