we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
