just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
