Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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