dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
