Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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