you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I could fuck to npr.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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