So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
