Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
