he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
