happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
