can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we're making bets on your personal life
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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