Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
