Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
