You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
