Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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