YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
