No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
sex in a hospital.. check
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
