its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
