"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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