i barfeds in our rink
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
