i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
