Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
