I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
