Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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