Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
