I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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