Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
