At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
