evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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