so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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